Let’s cut to the chase.

You weren’t born hating other women. You weren’t born hating yourself. But the world taught you how. Silently. Systematically. And worst of all, convincingly.

This is internalized misogyny.
It’s the poisoned voice in your head that whispers:

• “She’s too much.”
• “I’m not like other girls.”
• “I don’t trust women bosses.”
• “I could never wear that with my body.”
• “I’m better because I’m low-maintenance.”
• “She shouldn’t be wearing that.”

Sound familiar? That’s not your voice.
That’s the echo of a system built to make sure womxn never trust themselves or each other.

So, What Is Internalized Misogyny?

Internalized misogyny is the subconscious adoption of sexist beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions—by womxn, about womxn. It’s the deep, sneaky programming that teaches us to:

• Police each other.
• Doubt our worth.
• Compete instead of collaborate.
• Shrink to be accepted.

It shows up in our bodies, our friendships, our workplaces, and our intimate lives. It’s the subtle eye roll at a “too loud” woman. The discomfort with your own ambition. The shame of aging. The belief that being chosen by a man gives you value.

It is patriarchy’s final trick: Get womxn to do the oppressing themselves.

So How Do We Burn It Out?

You don’t kill internalized misogyny with shame. You starve it of power. You expose it. Question it. Replace it. You reclaim your mind with intention and community. Here’s how:

10 Steps to Break Free from Internalized Misogyny:

1. Catch Her in the Act

That little voice that says “ugh, she’s trying too hard” when another woman shines? That’s your cue.
Pause.
Ask: Where did I learn that?
Then: What could I admire instead?

Awareness is the first blade you forge.

2. Rewrite Your Inner Narrative

Affirmation isn’t fluff—it’s rewiring. Try these:

• “Another woman’s power does not diminish mine.”
• “There is no right way to be a woman.”
• “I will not compete where I can collaborate.”
• “My body is not a project. It’s a revolution.”

3. Read Like a Rebel

These books will unmask the systems and re-arm your spirit:

• “The Will to Change” by bell hooks
• “Witches, Midwives, and Nurses” by Barbara Ehrenreich & Deirdre English
• “Good and Mad” by Rebecca Traister
• “The Body Is Not an Apology” by Sonya Renee Taylor
• “Invisible Women” by Caroline Criado-Perez
• “Women Who Run with the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
• “Men Explain Things to Me” by Rebecca Solnit

Read them. Gift them. Talk about them. Let them infiltrate your bones.

4. Listen to Voices that Echo Liberation

Start here:

🎙️ Podcasts:

• The Feminist Reclamation (yours truly—your fire, your fight, your future)
• Call Your Girlfriend
• The Guilty Feminist
• Maintenance Phase
• The Nap Ministry Podcast
• Bodies
• Crumbs

Music & Artists to Reprogram Your Soul:

• Janelle Monáe – Queer, femme, unapologetic.
• Lizzo – Self-love, body reclamation, joy-as-resistance.
• Florence + The Machine – Witchy, powerful, emotional depth.
• Noname – Political, poetic, truth-telling.
• Mitski – Rage and softness, complexity.
• Indigo Girls – Sisterhood, stories, revolution.
• Chappell Roan – Queer, unapologetic, raw words

5. Reclaim Sisterhood

Make it a daily rebellion to support another womxn without condition. Comment. Compliment. Recommend. Defend. Amplify. Celebrate. Every time you choose sisterhood over competition, the patriarchy loses power.

6. Decolonize Your Beauty Standards

Look at the bodies you’ve been taught to admire.
Then expand your gaze:

• Follow fat, trans, older, disabled, and racially diverse creators and influencers.
• Stop saying “real women have…” anything.
• Watch how often you say something is “flattering”—ask: flattering to whom? And why?

7. Learn Herstory

The real stories—messy, wild, world-shaking—aren’t in your schoolbooks. Start here:

• Sojourner Truth, who asked, “Ain’t I a Woman?” and shattered both racial and gender binaries.
• Empress Theodora, a 6th-century courtesan-turned-co-ruler who changed Roman law to protect women.
• Marsha P. Johnson, Black trans activist and instigator of Stonewall.
• Dolores Huerta, Latina labor organizer whose chant “Sí se puede” still echoes today.

Read their stories. See yourself reflected in them. And know that you are one of them.

8. Stop Apologizing for Existing

Let’s practice:

• Don’t say “sorry” when you mean “thank you for your patience.”
• Don’t preface brilliance with “I’m not sure, but…”
• Don’t explain your choices to people who don’t deserve access to your life.

Your worth is not conditional.

9. Unpack the Mother Wound

Many of us learned misogyny at home. That doesn’t make your mother evil, it makes her a product of the same machine.

Start to separate her love from her limitations. And if you’re a mother yourself, know that every time you model radical self-acceptance, you rewrite your child’s inheritance.

10. Join the Reclamation

Engage with communities that feed your liberation. Come to The Feminist Reclamation for real talk, hard truths, collective healing, and joyful rage. You are not alone in this. You are part of a lineage of womxn tearing down walls and building cathedrals from the rubble.

The Final Truth

Unlearning internalized misogyny isn’t a one-time ritual. It’s a lifelong exorcism. But each time you choose love over shame, curiosity over judgment, self-compassion over criticism—you reclaim a piece of yourself that was stolen.

And when enough of us do that?

We break the machine.

Not with anger alone—but with sisterhood, softness, and sacred defiance.

Ready to start? Share this with a sister. Host a feminist book club. Name one bias you’re ready to let go of today.